More Funny Business.

I have enclosed, for your enjoyment, a copy of an email I received a few days ago. Four times in nine minutes. Everything in bold is against the laws of English grammar.

OMEGA FINANCE LOAN INVESTMENT COMPANY
290 Bury New Road,
Whitefield, MANCHESTER,
M45 6GG
ENGLAND.

Are you tired of Seeking Loans and Mortgages,have you Been Turned down
constantly by your banks and Other Financial Institutions.

We Offer LOANS ranging from $3,000.00 Min. to $10,000,000.00 Max. At 4%
interest rate per annul. LOANS for developing business a competitive
edge/business expansion. We are certified, trustworthy, reliable,
efficient, Fast and dynamic and a co-operate financier for real estate and
any kinds of business financing, we give out long term loan for five to
fifty years maximum.

We offer the following kinds of loans and many more;

* Personal Loans (Unsecured Loan)
* Business Loans (Unsecured Loan)
* Consolidation Loan
* Combination Loan
* Home Improvement

Any interested persons should fill [...out?] the form below and send it to our email
address:

Tel: +44-703-5985-484
Email: omega_financeloanfirm@8u8.hk

Name: ...................................
Country: ................................
Address: ................................
Phone number: ...........................
Current place of work: ..................
Loan amount needed: .....................
Loan Term (Years): ......................
Monthly income: .........................
Email address: ..........................
Social Security No.: ......................
Mother's Maiden Name: .................. [Just kidding; I added those last two. Buaha.]

Always keep in-touch with us. [Or else.]

Thanks,
Mr. James Anderson.
Omega Finance Loan Services.

Dear Mr. James Anderson.,
You are not Emily Dickinson. This is not a piece of early Modern American Poetry. I realize that you may be very excited about Loan Services. I realize that it may be your greatest love. But you must learn to give lowercase letters their due.

Examples when uppercase letters are allowable:
1) As the first letter of the first word in a sentence
2) When naming a proper noun

That's it; that's all you get. Show me you can use them properly and we'll start talking fancy.

Always keep in-touch with me.

Jillie